The 12 things the girls came up with to look for in a good guy to date

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There is a certain time in life when you decide you want to meet a person of the opposite sex but don’t want to go to clubs or bars and your friends just don’t seem to have ‘Mr or Mrs Right’ to introduce you to.  So, what do you do?

More and more people are logging on to look for a partner and getting comfortably uncomfortable in the online dating world. After a glass of wine or two with some girlfriends we traded some funny dating stories (what go’s on tour !!), had a few laughs then for some reason got all serious and discussed what was important to look for in a guy to date and came up with the following list:

 1) Attitude About His Attractiveness
So you have found a  real hottie. The question is:  How does he handle that?  What he thinks of his attractiveness and how he acts about it is very likely more important to the situation than what you think of it and how you act about it.

Just how tied to his physical appearance is he. Lets face it do you really want to be with a guy that is more of a woman than you are and spends more time preening than a peacock?  If so, you will likely find that he is obsessed with his looks and interested in little else.

This kind of man might look great by your side, but you will end up seriously disappointed in nearly every possible way aside from being physically attracted to him. Even if you are shallow enough to think that looks might be enough, you will most likely find that even your physical attraction to him will wane over time when he has nothing else to offer.

The best men are the ones who don’t realize how gorgeous they are.

2)Integrity and Character
A lack of integrity can even be tied to his attitude about his attractiveness that I mentioned above. When it is, you could be in serious trouble. It’s one thing for a guy to know he’s hot and focus on it way too much, but it’s quite another if he also lacks integrity and turns towards the dark side of using his looks in manipulative and self-serving ways.

For example, a hot man who is accustomed to having women kowtow to him could very easily become one of those men who will throw a huge fit if he thinks he sees you barely glance at another man, but, in the same breath, will insist that his huge group of girl friends who flirt and get frisky with him when you are standing right there is nothing and that you have no right to get upset over it.

This is a prime example of a man who went from being shallow to some full-on double standard behavior somewhere along the line. A lack of integrity can cause this – and plenty of other things that you don’t want to deal with.

3)Emotional and Physical Strength
Yeah we all like a man with physical strength who has a great six pack, but physical strength can also come in different forms like having the physical strength and energy to at least share household duties or head out for the occasional outdoor adventure. Being strong and physically fit isn’t all about looks either; it also has to do with overall well-being and health, and you do want a healthy partner.

When it comes to emotional strength, there is something sexy about a man being a leader who can show that he can provide, protect and handle any situation. A life partner who can stand beside you and handle things with you, rather than just making everything worse by falling apart every time something comes up.

4 )Complaining, Contention and Combativeness
All of us woman should be seeking out strong men, but strength should not be confused with contention and combativeness. You want the kind of strength that allows him to be upfront with you about issues that come up, to always mean what he says and say what he means, and to stand his ground when necessary without being overly forceful.

Unfortunately, too many guys get all confused when it comes to strength and exhibit contention or downright combativeness and this will get you nowhere but miserable. Partners need to support each other in their hopes and dreams, as well as the day-to-day stuff that comes with life. If you choose a man who is constantly complaining or takes every chance to shoot down your ideas and criticize you, you are going to be miserable. No one is happy in a relationship like that, always feeling like they can do nothing right and continuously frustrated by everything the guy does.

5)Lifestyle Cohesion
While you will never hear me say that you need to start dressing in matching outfits and should have the exact same interests, there is something to be said for having cohesive lifestyles. Things like constant schedule conflicts, vastly different religious beliefs and hugely different lifestyles can be tough to overcome when establishing or maintaining a relationship.

When one partner works nights and the other works days, resulting in barely seeing each other, this can have a detrimental effect on the relationship, particularly over time. While you both might think you can work through something like that, lifestyles that are that different can cause problems faster than you might think – no matter how devoted you are to ignoring your differences and making it work.

I have been witness to relationships where women have tried way too hard to make it work with a hot guy who simply wasn’t a good match for them.

It just isn’t going to work. The things you love and value need to be complemented by the things he loves and values. It’s as simple as that. And if your lifestyles are vastly different, it is going to be hard to get – and keep – things going.

Avid travelers don’t do well with partners who won’t set foot on a plane or boat; fourth-generation farmers don’t do well with partners who refuse to get dirty; and teetotalers usually don’t mesh well with hardcore partiers.

Some differences are great for growth and keeping things interesting, but if your lifestyles are truly night and day, some serious consideration is in order.

6)Common Sense and Judgment
We all went through that phase in high school or college when we were having crushes on the rugby captain or the best lokig guy in our year but quite often we would also have confusion about their lack of common sense. They were usually pretty hot and always pretty fun, but most of us grew out of that phase about the time we realized that sometimes having an actual, intelligent conversation with a man is a plus.

While it might have been cute the first three or four times one of those guys did something less than brilliant, it eventually starts getting old, and no woman wants to spend her life constantly making sure her partner isn’t blow drying their hair in the bathtub or washing his red sweaters with his white undershirts.

Common sense is required to get through each day making good judgment calls and handling all of the little situations that come up in normal life. Pay attention to whether or not he seems to be able to make good decisions and handle life’s little issues. If he can’t, it might seem cute in the beginning, but it will end up driving you crazy down the line.

7 )Social Skills 
Humans are social animals as a whole. This means that we enjoy being around other people, which is also how we continue to learn and grow throughout our lives. The problem is that you will start to notice your social circle getting smaller and smaller the longer you are in a relationship with a man.

Even if you fight it, it always seems to end up that you will end up drifting away from your friends who are single. This always happens once you are part of a couple, and it creates the situation where you and your partner now need to work on establishing friendships with other couples. If your guy isn’t that great at making friends, you are going to have a really difficult time finding couples who want to hang out with you. Conversely, if he is a bit of a social butterfly, you can be sure that you will establish lasting friendships with other couples that will end up being really great.

8)Knowing His Way Around a Kitchen

I’m not still stuck in the 1950s and certainly don’t think women should be chained to the kitchen sink, in fact, there is nothing sexier than a man who knows his way round the kitchen.

Having a man who can cook shouldn’t be your number one goal when finding the right guy for you, but it’s certainly a trait that helps in the long run. This is particularly true if you are both busy at work and been hitting the fast food joints every night on your way home from work for as long as you can remember and are feeling fat and unhealthy. Sharing some time making a meal can be a real turn on – even more so if he actually likes doing it.

If he’s the type who also likes hosting dinner parties for all of those couples he has acquired as your new friends, you might just start thinking that life can’t get any better.

9 )Cleanliness and Neatness
Women should not be solely responsible for picking up after you, cleaning the house, cooking every meal and making sure you have clean clothes to wear to work.

But you also probably don’t want it to be the other way around either; unless, you are a complete neat freak and want to be in charge of all of that stuff so that you can be sure it is done perfectly. Of course, if that’s the case, then that brings up other issues. For example, if you are a neat freak and he is a total slob, that is going to cause both of you quite a bit of misery. The same holds true if it’s the other way around and you are a slob, and he is the neat freak.

In a perfect world, both of you will be fairly neat and clean without falling to far towards either extreme.

10)The Little Things
The man you are with might be gorgeous, smart and good to you, but if he has one or more annoying bad habits that drive you crazy, this could be a problem.

Most of us will overlook odd little quirks or annoying habits in the beginning of the relationship because the man is hot or because we think we are being shallow or too picky if can’t get past it. We are even more likely to overlook these little things if we think that he meets all of our major needs. But that is not necessarily a good thing, since those little things can really wear on you – and the relationship – over time.

This is one that you will have to determine on a case-by-case basis. You will have to determine whether or not he can easily change those habits if you say something to him, or if it is just part of who he is. And, if it is part of who he is, you are going to have to decide whether or not you can live with it long term.

11 )Consistent Behavior and Reliability
This one is pretty simple and a bit complicated at the same time. First off, the simple part is just about things like showing up on time and being someone reliable whom you can count on.

The more complicated part is about observing his behavior and how he interacts with people to see just how consistent he is. For example, can you always be sure that you are going to see the same man every time you go out, or does he seem to have some kind of Psycho thing going on? If you never know which version of your guy is going to show up on your date, that just might be a deal breaker right there.

Another important thing to note is any differences between how he treats you and how he treats everyone else. This is how you are going to figure out just how much of what you think is his personality is actually an act that is meant to draw you in.

Check out how he treats bartenders, restaurant servers, colleagues and children. If he has kids, make sure you really pay attention to his interactions with them. Does he interact with other people in a way that is respectful and appropriate? Or does he boss around or walk all over anyone he perceives as beneath him?

This is going to tell you how he is going to act towards you once the newness wears off and he is no longer trying to impress you.

12 )Health and Wellness
Mental and physical health is important. They just are. But this actually goes beyond the surface of someone having relatively good physical health and not being sick or tired constantly.

Obviously mental health is a big one. It is a huge one, really. There are some girls out there who really enjoy a guy who has a little crazy about him, but if you are looking for a long-term mate, someone who is rational, reasonable and levelheaded is going to be a far better bet.

Additionally, you might want to at least give a moment’s thought to how his health and wellness could affect yours. For example, if you are used to being really active, and he prefers to stay indoors and watch movies all day, your physical fitness is likely going to suffer at least somewhat.

I know it can be hard to look past the hotness and really make a good assessment of whether or not the guy you are just starting to date is the right one for you. But you have to believe me when I tell you that it’s worth it. Weeding out those who are not high quality men and potential mates will save you time and get you that much closer to finding the partner you want and deserve.

While some of these things might not be among your top priorities when searching for a potential partner, you are going to thank me for pointing them out later on down the line when you realize just how important some of the less obvious things can be.

What else do you think is important to look for in a hot guy to date?

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I am heart, therefore I think !

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On matters of the heart, Heartmath are certainly one of the leaders in this field and looking at their website http://www.heartmath.com/ shows us why. In 1992 stress researcher Dr Childre who founded Heartmath investigated the notion that the heart possesses powerful wisdom that could hold the key to spontaneous evolution of our species – pretty big stuff !  Their tag line is “A change of heart, changes everything”.  The data gathered confirmed ancient wisdom about the heart’s influence on life in so much as it has a mind of it’s own. This is a pretty radical idea that our heart has a mind, don’t you think?

In the 1970’s it was discovered that the heart has it’s own nervous system and at least 40,000 neurons in the heart communicate with brain centers like the amygdala, thalamus & cerebral cortex. Further research showed that the heart doesn’t obey the brains messages but interprets them and bases a response on the person’s current emotional status. This proved ancient wisdom was even more correct about the heart being linked to perceptions and behavioural reactions. Nice work, as this confirms our link between the heart and love is real and what’s more it is biochemically measurable.

Essentially what this means is that when you focus your attention on your heart and activate a core heart feeling such as love or appreciation your heartbeat changes to a more consistant pattern which then sets off a cascade of biochemical events which in turn effects nearly every organ in your body. This reduces the fight or flight mechanisms need to fire up and increases the growth promoting activity of the parasympathetic nervous system. In other words it reduces the production of stress hormone and increases the amount of precursor to anti-aging hormone DHEA being produced. How cool is that, if we love and not hate we slow down aging – got to be better than botox or surgery, right?

Our organs and body have a electromagnetic field that surrounds them and the hearts electromagnetic activity is 5,000 times greater than that of the brain. The hearts energy field can be read up to 10ft away from the body with current technology which has shown that negative feelings from the heart cause disharmony to the field whilst positive ones of love create harmony. So, if everyone sends out emotions into their heart electromagnetic field it means that the fields cross each other as we move around in everyday life and if feelings of love become entangled does this mean that love could become contagious and spread from one person to another?

Heartmath have launched a science based worldwide experiment to test the hypothesis of whether large groups of people can influence the field. If they find that it can, just imagine what this could do for world peace. I for one am going to practice finding more self love & giving out to others via the field. Care to join me?